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What Dating Divas Think About Date Night [S05,D150]

Posted on by Randy Glotfelty

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What Dating Divas Think About Date Night.

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You have probably heard the old idiom, “that which you nurture thrives, that which you neglect dies.” This certainly applies to your marriage. 

If you have been listening to the Ranger Podcast long you know that dating our wives is important to us and is one great way to nurture your marriage. Now, as intuitive as this is, it doesn’t come easy, and without becoming an intentional part of your married life it will slip into the realm of infrequent and unromantic. 

How would you like to have a team of experts, or even divas, give you tips, advice, and guides that infuse your marriage with romance, spontaneity, and connectivity? Well that is exactly what we are going to deliver in this episode of The Ranger Podcast. We have with us three celebrities from The Dating Divas: Tara, Becca, and Heather. 

 

I was introduced to The Dating Divas by my newly married, 23-year-old son, and was immediately drawn to the tagline Strengthening Marriages, One Date At A Time. My imagination clicked on and I found myself browsing all the content available, adding my email to the eblast list and getting 7days Of Love. Dating is the cornerstone of the site but just scratches the surface of what is available. Yes, there are things to purchase, but there is a mountain of content that is free. If you are looking for some really creative ideas from very gifted and dedicated women then The Dating Divas website must be bookmarked. 

So, ladies, we promised romance, spontaneity, and connectivity. Let’s deliver on all three with some of the tools available at The Dating Divas. 

 

When Commander Randy reached out to us to be a part of this podcast we immediately went to listen to the podcast to figure out why “Rangers” would want our content. We are a bunch of women that are all about strengthening marriages and we weren’t sure how our content would fit in… but as soon as we listened to Commander Randy and Commander Wayne discussing the importance of dating we KNEW we had to be a part of this! We love that you are all passionate about strengthening your own marriages and we have LOTS of creative date ideas to share!

Romance TARA

I love how John Eldridge puts it in his book Epic, God is more creative than we can possibly imagine, and romantic to the core. Lovers and honeymooners choose places like Hawaii, the Bahamas, or Tuscany as a backdrop for their love. But whose idea was Hawaii, the Bahamas, or Tuscany? In Willard Harleys book, His Needs, Her Needs, more than 20,000 wives said that one of their top two needs was romantic affection. So, Divas how do we put romance back into DATE NIGHT? 

 

#1) Commit to making an INTENTIONAL EFFORT!

  • The difference between the average married couple and the couple that still has “the hots” for each other decades later is the intentional effort made by both husband and wife!
      • The everyday decisions and choices make SUCH a huge difference! 
  • If there’s one thing that we’ve learned after watching thousands of marriages transform it is THIS… INTENTION is key!

 

#2) THE MARRIAGE MYTH

  • Sometimes we like to liken marriage to a gift box. Imagine we’re showing you a pretty box all wrapped up with a big bow and a gift tag that says “Marriage.”  Some people expect to get married and find all the things they long for inside: romance, intimacy, service, communication, etc. 
  • Now, imagine that we open the box and show you that it’s empty. What?! That’s totally not expected, right? Well… THAT is the “myth” that most people don’t understand. We EACH are in charge of keeping our own marriage box full.
    • Marriage doesn’t make you happy- YOU make your marriage happy!
    • There is no love in marriage. Love is in people!
    • There is no romance in marriage. YOU have to infuse it into your marriage!
    • If you want more love, romance, passion,or connection… YOU need to create it! 
  • So the good news is… happily ever after really does exist! BUT…Romance is the product of the effort you put in, NOT your expectations of what you should be receiving.

 

#3) The #1 excuse we ALWAYS hear is- “We just don’t have time.”  

  • Here’s a little tip for ya- instead of saying, “I don’t have time”- try saying, “it’s not a priority,” and see how that feels. 
    •  i.e “I don’t have TIME to date my spouse.” CHANGE TO —> “It’s not a PRIORITY to date my spouse.”
  • This topic always reminds me of one of my favorite quotes about marriage:
    • “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” -Barbara De Angelis. 

 

#4) So HOW do you intentionally add romance back into date night?

  • Date night is not just something you do, it’s an attitude & state of mind
    • Even if you’re staying home- make it special! 
    • Make it different from every other night lounging on the couch watching Netflix
      • Get dressed in a nice outlet
      • Put on some cologne 
      • Turn on some music 
    • Treat it like a date… just like you used to.

 

#5) JUST A QUICK NOTE: DATE NIGHT IS NOT JUST DINNER AND A MOVIE!

    • Guess what guys?! Did you know that date night does NOT have to be just dinner or a movie?! SHOCKER, I know! 
    • But seriously… switch it up a little! Don’t get complacent!
    • Dinner and a movie is totally okay for date night sometimes. BUT it’s good to switch is up- do something unique, special, thrilling, sensual, silly, or SPONTANEOUS!  If you’re ready for a face-lift in your dating life…. you’ve come to the right place! 

 

  • Be Creative & Adventurous

 

        • Creativity leads to unforgettable memories! Some of our favorite memories  are from crazy, silly, and seemingly unromantic dates.
        • Get out of your comfort zone! Try NEW things you’ve never done before. 

 

  • Be Silly & Playful

 

      • Don’t be afraid to get a little silly or crazy. 
      • FUN FACT: You DON’T have to act your age.
      • Discover the art of playfulness… and practice it! Replace “boring” and “routine” with “vibrant” and “passionate”

 

#6) SET YOUR DATE NIGHT “RULES”

    • This will be different for every couple but the goal is to make your date nights special and FUN!  A couple of examples:

 

  • Dress to impress

 

  • No arguments or “tough topics”

 

 

        • Date night should be FUN!
        • Date night is emotional and mental foreplay!

 

  • No phones or electronics

 

      • Disconnect to reconnect!
  • RECAP: So remember- BE WISE, PRIORITIZE! Commit to making and intentional effort!

 

#7) ACTION STEP: HOW? 

    • I’ve got some homework for you! We’ve found that the best way to improve your marriage is to take ACTION…. SO we have a fun little love assignment for you.  That way you can take action RIGHT AWAY and start making some changes in your marriage!

 

  • ACTION STEP #1:

 

 

Spontaneity BECCA 

I feel like I can speak for the guys when I say that spontaneity and planning don’t seem to go hand in hand. Doesn’t being spontaneous mean not having a plan? But, I have learned over the years is that margin is the space where life laughs and plays. When your schedule is so tight, and you have not intentionally left space for spontaneous things to blossom they never will. Dr. Victor Frankl defined margin as the space between stimulus and response. Without that space your response is likely to be one that doesn’t create romance. Becca, we all get stuck being stuck and need a little jump start. That’s where the Divas come in. What are some plans we can put into our routines that create that space for spontaneity to happen? 

 

Creating space for spontaneity is easier than you might think. For two main reasons, 

#1- SPONTANEITY IS FUN

 

  • Keeping the spontaneity alive is the FUN part of marriage!

 

  • If you’re missing this, you’re missing out! 
    • That’s like eating cake without the frosting!
  • Here’s the thing, we all know that marriage, and life in general, can be hard work. 
  • When you’re juggling: work responsibilities, bills, parenting, health problems, miscommunications, etc … 
    • Sometimes being spontaneous & having fun is the last thing on your mind.
    • But it shouldn’t be! 
    • Hear me out on this… 
  • Life for everyone is a combination of both “hard” and “happy” things. 
    • We can’t always control the hard things in our lives. BUT we CAN control how much happiness and fun we are ADDING IN! 
    • We can ADJUST the ratio to make sure we’re experiencing more HAPPY than HARD together. 
  • FUN FACT: Happy couples have a 5 to1 happiness ratio. In other words, they have 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction. 
    • And here’s the best part about that- no matter how many negative interactions there are, you can choose to create as many positive interactions as you want!
      • Ask her for a slow dance
      • Surprise her with her favorite snack
      • Give her a sincere compliment 
      • Share a funny joke or video
      • Start an impromptu dance party in the kitchen
      • Leave a dry erase love note on the bathroom mirror
  • The secret to a happy & fun marriage is in your hands! 
    • And when you’re having a lot of fun together and are genuinely happy- it’s a WHOLE lot easier to withstand the “hard” and any storms that come your way. 
  • Marriage should be ENJOYED not just ENDURED!

 

#2- SPONTANEITY IS IN THE SMALL THINGS

 

  • When it comes to romance & spontaneity, the LITTLE things are the BIG things. 

 

      • It’s not about big grand gestures!
    • How do you think your wife would answer this question?
      • Would you rather get a dozen roses from your husband one day
      • OR get a single rose from your husband on 12 different days?
    • There was actually a poll done and 98% of women said they would rather get a single rose on 12 different days. (This surprises a lot of men.) 
    • Why? 

 

  • Because when it comes to romance & spontaneity, frequency is more important than size. 

 

  • For the vast majority of women, small spontaneous moments is what = romance 
  • Surprises are romantic to women because it wasn’t expected. 
  • We LOVE the element of surprise. 
  • We LOVE knowing he was thinking of us
    • So find SMALL ways to add in more FUN & FLIRTATION!
    • Something as simple as sending sweet messages to your wife during the day, can make all the difference.
      • What’s the last text you send your wife?
      • If your communication is mostly JUST about schedules & adding to the grocery list…  You’re missing out on the BEST part of marriage!
    • SMALL things make a BIG difference! 
      • [SHARE 10 MMC “EXPERIMENT”]– We decided to do our own romance experiment called “The 10 Minute Marriage Challenge!” 

 

  • Could doing something SMALL & spontaneous just 10 minutes a day, two days a week really change a marriage?

 

        • We put it to the test and guys- IT WORKS!!! It is sooooo simple, but it WORKS SO WELL! Here’s the gist … 
        • We created a text message program:
          • On TUESDAY and THURSDAY we text a romance idea for the husband to do for the wife
          • On WEDNESDAY and FRIDAY we text a romance idea for the wife to do for the husband
          • Each idea takes 10  minutes or less
        • That’s it! The concept is so simple but it’s saving marriages!
        • Here’s what one couple said after trying this challenge:
          Testimonial: 

 

  • “The [10 Minute Marriage] challenge… has very literally saved our marriage. We had already made all the plans for divorce, had talks about who gets what, and I ordered it thinking, “what do we have to lose?” Here we are several months later and there is a happiness there that has been missing for a long time. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am eternally grateful.” – Shawna

 

  • Next challenge- Sep 23

 

 

  • Every day- make sure you’re CREATING small, little opportunities to SMILE, LAUGH, FLIRT, and PLAY together! 
    • Try new things, surprise & spoil her in small ways
  • ***TIP: Imagine your wife as your girlfriend. Yes, you are her husband. But never stop being her boyfriend!
    • Think back to those early dating days & rekindle some of those same thoughts and feelings and memories.
  • ACTION STEP: 
    • This next week find 3 small ways to be spontaneous, play & flirt. Your mission is to make your wife smile or laugh 3 times!
      • TIP: Put it on your to-do list or set an alarm to go off on your phone as a reminder.  Ex: “Love is a verb”

 

Connectivity HEATHER

Before we got married, we would have talked for hours on the phone. We hung on every word hoping to learn something new and interesting. We also wanted to be that person that our wives could share their worries, joys, and dreams. News Flash! They still want us to be that person. Seasons change, dreams are reinvented, and worries find new entry points. Date nights can provide that disconnect from the world and that reconnect with her. Divas, how can a date night be the catalyst to help our wives open up and share those deep concerns and dreams for the future?

 

We absolutely stand behind our belief that date night is the BIGGEST (and most fun) way to strengthen marriages, open communication, & reconnect! 

    • When you put together the daily intentional effort plus the spontaneous fun and flirationations throughout the week – you have a recipe for INCREDIBLE dates filled with connection. 
      • Trust us when we say that nothing is better than our husband inviting us to date night! 
    • Really quick, we want to share just WHY we are so passionate about couples continuing to date after they’re married. 
      • Here’s the deal: If you don’t want the spark to die, you gotta keep blowing on that flame!
        • Dating is what helped you fall in love in the first place- so it makes sense that the same thing that helped us fall in love can help us STAY in love! Don’t you think?  
      • Sometimes we like to tell people that LOVE is actually spelled D-A-T-E (or T-I-M-E)! 

 

  • Having regular, consistent date night communicates that you are making each other a priority. – Just like Becca mentioned about the quantity of small things vs one big things – the consistency is KEY!

 

 

GIVEAWAY TO THE AUDIENCE: TARA

  • When Commander Randy (and Commander Wayne) reached out to us about sharing some ideas for all you husbands, we were THRILLED!! We knew we wanted to do something special to help all you husbands up the ante when it comes to dating your wives!! Sooo…. We’re giving each of you a coupon to use in our store, as well as our totally revamped 7 Days of Love program for FREE!!
  • Thousands of couples have been through our original 7 Days of Love program and absolutely loved it! This past year, we really wanted to make it more digital and a little more husband-friendly (aka – not a lot of printing and prepping!). We really think that you guys will LOVE this, and have no doubt that it will be a jumping off point for more romance, spontaneity and connection in your marriages!! 
  • We’ve put together a PDF where you can just scan the QR Code to get signed up for that program, and we also threw in a $5 coupon to our store! 
  • I also just wanted to mention… we have an INCREDIBLE customer service team, so if you ever need help picking out a fun idea or planning something for your sweetheart – just shoot us an email and we would LOVE to help! [email protected]

 

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Randy Glotfelty