Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Start saying yes.  It’s more fun!

Saying yes doesn’t mean you’re granting them their wish.  Yes, is more fun but it requires a lot more mental calories than no.  Now, before you think that this is going to be some episode for psycho mumbo jumbo or word games, hang in there.  I think you find that there is some real wisdom here and some helpful tools for the hard work of mentoring future men.

As parents and Commanders, we are confronted with a plethora of opportunities to say no:  Can I shave the cat, Can I buy this new toy, can we stay up till 3 am?  No, no and no.

No, usually results in an obvious follow-up question, “why?”  Yes, results in a follow-up statement from you, “here’s why.”

This really harkens back to a concept that we have talked about on The Ranger Podcast many times and devoted an entire episode to, The Only Two Rules You’ll Ever Need.  Let me explain.  If you try to come up with a rule for every situation, you’ll become weary of adding new rules to the list and your boys will become weary of trying to memorize all the rules.  Instead, we have only two rules:  Respect, Safety.  We are teaching the boys to govern their own actions.  It also creates opportunities for grace and mercy.

• Yes to going down to the swimming hole (Podcast Only)
• What happens when you break the rules (Podcast Only)

Saying yes creates the same kind of learning and mentoring.  Sure, there are some very hard line moments where a simple demonstrative “no” is needed.  But that doesn’t mean you can’t learn to look for all the yes moments.  Karla and I were always on the same page concerning the big decisions.  We talked often and planned ahead.

Children have a natural desire for information and experience.  So, give it to them.

• Yes to staying over at a friend’s (Podcast Only)
• Yes to Saturday activity (Podcast Only)
• Yes to the tattoo (Podcast Only)

You don’t want them to rely on your forgiveness in the absence of your permission.

Bonus Material

Give lots of instructions but only a few rules.

Remember, rules without relationship breeds rebellion, rules with relationship breeds respect.  You want a relationship with your children and with the boys that you mentor and the only way to have a relationship is to have experienced together and learned through them.  Every child is different, and experiences are always unique to age.